Watch Me Run
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Who still reads this blog?
6 years ago this blog was created to illustrate my JC life and eventually my ns life.
4 years ago someone read my blog and I wrote in it to paint my life everyday in a hope this person reads it.
3 years ago I realised I was living a dream and a lie by then it was too late to turn back time.
2 years ago I being stubborn and hopeful still carried on with the dream.
1 year ago I tried to bring myself away from this entire thing and I failed.
Now I am standing on the edge with no where to go or no directions to take.
I have become what I also do not know. God does not really exist in this world. Maybe he does but I don't think he is.
The last few months many things ran through my head. Every morning I wake up i feel like crying.
yesterday, I watched a movie a part of it brought me to tears:
Is it possible to live our entire lives, without loving anyone at all? That’s my loneliness
at the end I feel lonely. Is this the end? I am asking myself now, I do not know.
I am a coward, but how far cowardice put away the pain and how much pain it takes before the ends hit one, I have no measure for it.
I just feel like crying, but there is no more to it.
Yet concurrently no one knows..
6 years ago this blog was created to illustrate my JC life and eventually my ns life.
4 years ago someone read my blog and I wrote in it to paint my life everyday in a hope this person reads it.
3 years ago I realised I was living a dream and a lie by then it was too late to turn back time.
2 years ago I being stubborn and hopeful still carried on with the dream.
1 year ago I tried to bring myself away from this entire thing and I failed.
Now I am standing on the edge with no where to go or no directions to take.
I have become what I also do not know. God does not really exist in this world. Maybe he does but I don't think he is.
The last few months many things ran through my head. Every morning I wake up i feel like crying.
yesterday, I watched a movie a part of it brought me to tears:
Is it possible to live our entire lives, without loving anyone at all? That’s my loneliness
at the end I feel lonely. Is this the end? I am asking myself now, I do not know.
I am a coward, but how far cowardice put away the pain and how much pain it takes before the ends hit one, I have no measure for it.
I just feel like crying, but there is no more to it.
Yet concurrently no one knows..
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Hong Kong one week ago was fun, memorable and in good spirits....i made new friends nopt just local and also abroad with greater Asia.
its kinna nice talking about things and knowing from other people from other countries that things you are concern about and observe about are not just pertaining to singapore but relevant to the world throughout. SLC also made me realise how small singapore is and how 'sheltered' to some extent students are against the world....
meet up with bro dominic early in the week and he brought up something which had a profound meaning to my whole cause and emo issue. The Dark Night of the Soul a treatise written by St. John of the Cross mystic and doctor of the church.
Maybe right now i am just through my spritual journey and darkness.....but i wonder if what brother says about individuals giving up and just stopping short of the end remaining at that level......
How must i seek out the silence among the darkness,
How can i see in the dark.
I really wonder.
its kinna nice talking about things and knowing from other people from other countries that things you are concern about and observe about are not just pertaining to singapore but relevant to the world throughout. SLC also made me realise how small singapore is and how 'sheltered' to some extent students are against the world....
meet up with bro dominic early in the week and he brought up something which had a profound meaning to my whole cause and emo issue. The Dark Night of the Soul a treatise written by St. John of the Cross mystic and doctor of the church.
Maybe right now i am just through my spritual journey and darkness.....but i wonder if what brother says about individuals giving up and just stopping short of the end remaining at that level......
How must i seek out the silence among the darkness,
How can i see in the dark.
I really wonder.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
I am proud being Roman Catholic...ad i feel that angels and demons really gave the church good publicity. In fact i feel its a positive publicity compared to the previous movie.
It was a good movie outing and dinner.....nvr had such outings for a long long time
It was a good movie outing and dinner.....nvr had such outings for a long long time
Monday, May 25, 2009
I guess i made not a few but rather many mistakes that I regretted maybe if i heeded that inner voice telling me not to go into it....a long time ago, it wouldn;t even have resulted in such results......
I feel that i have emotionally failed yet there are still so much to look forward to, not just the emotions.
This holidays seem exceptionally quiet and reflective, not like the last one where company was always had.
I just want a respite
I feel that i have emotionally failed yet there are still so much to look forward to, not just the emotions.
This holidays seem exceptionally quiet and reflective, not like the last one where company was always had.
I just want a respite
Sunday, May 10, 2009
I just return from vietnam. Backpacking was pretty fun and in total i spend less then $500 for this 9 days of travelling inclusive of airfare and accomdation so it was pretty sweet. My buddies Erice and Anthony were preetty good fun too and I think we enjoyed the trip alot.
For the first time i am left with no plans and nothing to do . Hopefully there would be something meaningful this hols.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
I do not like Dr Thio Su Mien, Pastor Derek and the COOS. I think this people are really ignorant of reality. I must agree though their cause is good.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
now.....its been quite awhile since i updated.
What has gotten to me that I stopped updating. I guess due to work (major factor) and also maybe I realised by now not much people read this blog anyway.
there were reasons why this blog was kept in the first place.
I was clearing up my cupboard a few days ago, just realised how a piece of item can bring back tear, memories and such an emotional feeling. Its just gross and sickening.
Nvm that I would try to cope...sometimes the feeling of pain I understand by now is not just physical but mentally as though there is so much hurt in there.
Anyway God is good I am going to HongKong in june representing CSA for some leadership conference and i look forward to the short break in saigon right after the papers..
..
What has gotten to me that I stopped updating. I guess due to work (major factor) and also maybe I realised by now not much people read this blog anyway.
there were reasons why this blog was kept in the first place.
I was clearing up my cupboard a few days ago, just realised how a piece of item can bring back tear, memories and such an emotional feeling. Its just gross and sickening.
Nvm that I would try to cope...sometimes the feeling of pain I understand by now is not just physical but mentally as though there is so much hurt in there.
Anyway God is good I am going to HongKong in june representing CSA for some leadership conference and i look forward to the short break in saigon right after the papers..
..
